I love showing things off that I’m excited about, but then I get scared of coming across as a “show off” or “up myself” …
(2 insults that have stuck with me since primary school both on occasions where I was happy about something I’d done or was proud of myself)…
Which then forced me to tuck my head back into my shell like a turtle 🐢 and try my hardest not to stand out or be seen…
(Even though deep down I always secretly wanted to be in the spot light as some kind of creator)…
When I was young I used to have fantasies about being a musician up on stage, or an artist with an exhibition in a big gallery, or an author with lots of books 📚
But I never spoke of them.
Because every time I did, someone would usually make me doubt myself with a comment like “yeah but it’s really hard to do that” or by simply laughing at whatever my latest idea or vision was because it seemed so “far fetched”.
It took me a long time to realise that the people I was sharing these ideas with were just projecting their own fears, doubts & hesitations onto me, and that I didn’t have to take them on.
I got into a habit of not telling anyone my plans or ideas EVER after one too many of those experiences.
And my process became: have idea, implement it, see it it works, if it didn’t, ignore it, if it did, share my results in an attempt to motivate others and also prove to myself & others that anything is possible.
But the whole time along my journey, in my salons, in my coaching business, I still constantly struggle between “yay, I’m proud of myself” and “I shouldn’t share that people might think I’m a show off”.
As someone who is constantly open to learning more about everything and always striving to improve myself, I’ve changed a LOT as a person during my life (which I love).
I’m far more confident and happy with myself these days and I own my strengths and my weaknesses openly.
I’ve just had my latest personal branding shoot and I wanted it to capture the “newest version of me”
With my new hair, new style, new sense of spirituality & renewed confidence!
I loooooooove the photos but just now while uploading the new profile pic found myself tucking my head back in again thinking thoughts like:
“What will people think of me on first impression from these photos!!?? I don’t want people to think I’m full of myself! Or that I’m trying to be sexy!”
(Even though in the past I went through a stage of glamour modelling and was indeed trying to be sexy)
And I was fine with it then but now think “eek, why did I do that? Why did I want that kind of attention?”
I know now why I did it.
I was using other people’s (strangers on the internet) complements of me (my body) to validate the way I felt about myself..
But that’s another life lesson I’ve had the privilege to experience & grow from.
And I’m happy with the fact that I’ve always been the type of person to try everything I’ve been curious about or interested in…
But back to the reason I even started sharing all this in the first place (and am currently questioning myself on what the point is on even writing it and worrying once again that someone might just think I’m sharing too much and should keep my mouth shut) 🤐
I guess it’s just that I want to remind you or encourage you that EVEN IF YOU DOUBT AND QUESTION YOURSELF A LOT or if NOBODY ELSE SHARES OR ENCOURAGES YOUR VISIONS OR DESIRES…
You can still just do them anyways because the only persons permission and approval you need is your own.
BE WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE.
And be ok with the fact that you have changed over time, and will change again in the future!
If you all of a sudden want to reinvent yourself and change everything about yourself or your business… YOU CAN!!
You don’t need to apologise for it.
You don’t need to hide it.
And you don’t need to worry about what people will think of you because it’s what YOU THINK OF YOU that matters. 💫
I guess the point of this post is that we usually all struggle with some form of self doubt no matter how confident we may appear on the outside and that it’s ok, but try not to let it stop you from living your dreams. 💜
Love, Carissa xo